Question: Is "The Magical Mustache Man" A.K.A. Jeff Kent going to retire?

Answer: Yes. Get the fuck outta here already!

Question: Once and for all can we safely say that Barry Bonds did not take illegal performance enhancing drugs?

Answer: We can now safely say that HE DID NOT TAKE ILLEGAL PERFORMANCE-ENHANCING DRUGS. Let this be a lesson that Jerry fucking Bail Bonds is never wrong no matter how crazy he sounds.

INNOCENT, BITCHES

Question: Is Barry Zito banging Paris Hilton?

Answer: Yes. But so is B3KR for that matter. Maybe this will help Zito's underachieving, multi-million dollar ass pitch a little better.