Question: Is sports' biggest closet homosexual, Reggie MIller, potentially coming out of retirement?

Answer: I fucking hope not. Seriously, isn't he like 47? If Jordan couldn't compete at 40, how the fuck is this choke artist going to do shit in the NBA?

Question: Is Jessica Simpson a tubby slut now?

Answer: To call her a "tubby slut" would be an understatement. This bitch has lost all control... Either that or Gomer's seed has been running wild in all the wrong places. With those tacky-ass clothes and all the weight, she looks like goatdiapers' aunt Bessie-Sue now after a 12 pack of Bud Heavy and a 5 gallon bucket of tater salad before she throws horse shoes and competes in the watermelon seed spitting contest at the Diapers family reunion. It goes without saying that I would now not poker.org.

Question: How bad does Mohawk Man want some of B3KR?

Answer: In the worst fucking way.